Being Called out Rocks!

Why being called out is a good thing.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we never chose to grow because everyone in our life told us exactly what we wanted to hear and agreed with every current value and point of view we had, so we always felt complete and confident knowing exactly what was going to happen next, dancing in a “this is it, I’ve arrived” feeling on an emotional level and skipped off into the sunset to live happily ever after, in denial?

Actually, that sounds pretty fucking boring.

I came across this quote by Mark Groves this morning which had me thinking along the lines of the lovers dynamic (of course) but also in how it applies to my friendship dynamics.

Here’s what it said:

I used to want to find someone who checked all the boxes on my list. Boy, did I have it all wrong. Now I see love and relationships are about finding someone who not only vibes with you, but also wants to continue to grow and evolve as a person. Relationships are an invitation to be our best selves and a container to do just that. If they’re not calling you out, they’re not the one. Being powerful doesn’t scare great partners, it attracts them, it turns them on, it gives them soulgasms.

-Mark Groves @createthelove

I freaking love that!

Surrounding myself with people that know me and call me on my shit on the regular has a ton of benefits that promote growth and leveling up. Is it scary? Yea, it can be scary. It’s uncomfortable because it shows me where I need to do work. But I can only gain from the situation once my ego gets out of the way and I allow myself to be teachable.

Here are just a few of many things that I’ve experienced that come to mind as to why this rocks:

1. Being called out holds me accountable for behavior I may not be conscious to. It’s like when I was younger and people would ask me if I was a makeup artist and I’d reply “no”. They saw something I hadn’t discovered yet because makeup was just something I did. The same can also be true for behaviors.
2. Likewise, I often find myself being the one in the situation giving perspective. This give-and-take is what deep bonds are made of because of the level of vulnerability and openness that goes into the equation from both ends. It doesn’t matter who’s giving and who’s receiving and when because everyone is winning when the egos are asleep, the connection can be honored and the opportunity for growth discovered.
3. Whether I agree with the other person’s perspective or not, it creates a space for contemplation. A playground of discovery that empowers me to choose my next move when a similar situation arises again. And trust me, they will arise again and again – and again, until the lesson is learned.

I want to be clear that ‘calling people out’ can be done gently.

I’m blessed to have friends in my life that don’t take my truth serum as a weaponizing of anything they’ve confided to me. But not everyone can handle the mirror and that’s ok. We are where we are in our process and so is everyone else.

Some people want the feedback but only want to hear what they want to hear. In these situations, I typically smile and nod once I see the resistance and let it go.

You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

This life game is an art form and no two people go at the same pace down the exact same path. The pivot for me is towards choosing my tribe accordingly, those with similar values and then stepping into those uncomfortably glorious reflections that fire back at me.

That’s the beauty in it. That’s what keeps it so-NOT-boring.